Well it def been quite some time since I've written my last blog..
But I'm back and I'm Betttaaaaa... but no seriously.. I am!
So why did I take the hiatus? and what is sooo different now?
Throughout my doctorate studies, I had many different inner battles.
Mainly, I felt small and often times shrunk myself to fit in... I would have moments where I would snap out of it. But then a comment would be made or a situation will occur, and all of sudden I would go back to that place.
Now I know, like many things in life, the PhD journey has ebbs and flows, decline and regrowth! Meaning there will be moments when you are confident and strong and other times where you will doubt yourself and imposter syndrome will seep in.
I knew I no longer wanted to be on this wild rollercoaster of emotions. For my soul and my mental state needed some TLC. I needed to do some inner work, so I wouldn't falter and I wouldn't lose sight of who I am and all that I've accomplished.
So the work started... and whewww it got ugly!
There was some crying, and laughing..
I had to figure out what was the mental block stopping me from championing for myself.
And why after all that work, do I still succumb to imposter syndrome.
I knew I feared being myself because I didn't want to fit any preconceived stereotypes.
and I knew there was this part of me that felt like I had a bit of intellectual phoniness.
i.e. not as smart as my peers.
But I also knew these feelings were exactly that, feelings and far from facts.
So I had to start by speaking up,
I had to be able to face the very people, places and things that made me feel this way.
I had to be able to distinguish my feelings from what was factual.
AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID!
I became so vocal! Not only for myself but for everyone around me that couldn't speak up.
I started initiating hard conversations
&& forcing others to recognize their unconscious bias and privilege.
In the process, I became lighter. I started focusing on the things that made me happy. I started doing the little things that were just for me! The simple things like wearing my hair how I want it and not thinking about what society deemed professional to taking time out my day to cook for myself and mediate. Everything became clearer, and I got my confidence baccckkk!!!
Whewww.. this journey is def far from over. and I'm sure there will be more hurdles and even more wins!
But im so ready to share it all. To be honest and raw. And inspire who I can in the process.
So if you got this far in this post, THANK YOU! I mean it when I say I'm so glad you're here and I'm HYPEEE you're going on this quest with me!!
Til the Next Post!
Love && Light to ya <3