That Inner Work Hits Different!!!
Where do I even begin? YOUR GIRL DROPPED 55 LBS!
ok, let me back up a bit lol
I've always ALWAYS been a thick girl. Even at my smallest, I was still the thickest in my friend's group. And honestly, I've always loved my curves. Always been confident in my size (for the most part). But things did take a turn...
For years during my PhD studies, I started slowly putting on some weight. Mostly from stress, long hours in lab, and really bad habits including eating whatever whenever and not really moving my body the way I should.
Sometime last year, things changed... I was going through these major life changes and felt alone even though I was surrounded by family and friends. I was transitioning out of my PhD into a postdoc. Anyone who's been through the stress of writing a thesis and defending knows how daunting that process can be. On top of that, Im leaving behind all that I knew.. as toxic as it was, it was all I knew for 6 years!
Then I lost one of my dearest friend, Vanessa and my faith faltered a bit. I was trying to be strong, but really I was crushed. And fell into a depression... that I couldn't quite shake.
Depression manifests itself in many different ways. Someone can be smiling, laughing, working efficiently and be dealing with feelings that they can't explain. I ate mine. I ate all my feelings and next thing I know I've gained almost 50 lbs in the span of a year. I stopped posting full body pictures back in December of 2019 and made sure I was dressing my body so that the weight gain wouldn't look so noticeable (although I honestly just couldn't hide the weight gain anymore).
Pic below taken in January 2020, weighing in at my heaviest
Even so, I still couldn't shake my feelings of uneasiness. My heart was just so unsettled and I wasn't leaning on my faith like I usually do. Then COVID19 made it's appearance, and I lost another pillar in my life, my godfather. I was sitting back and watching people in our community lose their life in an alarming rate. With the main underlying disease being OBESITY!
Something snapped for me then. I knew I couldn't continue down this road. I knew I had to find peace, in order to start getting my physical health together. I knew I had to deal with the mental and emotional first. Or I wouldn't be any good to myself or others.
I decided on my birthday (April 2nd) that I would take matters into my own hands. The first thing I did was get into my word and mediate on it. I had to go back to the very source of my strength: God, and learn to lean on Him.
I found myself becoming lighter. Not physically but mentally. I was able to work way more efficiently and be there for my parents through the current pandemic.
In the beginning of May, I decided to start moving my body a bit more. I started going for very long walks. Learning my neighborhood, getting fresh air. The pandemic also forced me to start cooking every meal for myself which I found enjoyable to do. The weight slowly started melting off..
I then picked up a jumprope and that's when things turned up!!! LOL I was able to drop a cool 35 lbs, by jumping rope, cooking for myself and staying grounded. When I realized that I could no longer get rid of the last few lbs on my own, I seeked professional expertise in form of a trainer, which is where I started seeing my body sculpt and tone in ways that I didn't think was possible.
I still have some ways to go to reach my goal! but for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling like myself.
And yes the weight loss has a lot to do with it, but that inner work is what makes it all possible. That inner work led to an outer glow like no other!
Deciding to live. TRULY LIVE. To be healthy, to be able move without being sluggish. To be at peace.... not to say that life won't throw curve balls at me again, but now I feel better equipped to deal with those hurdles without falling back into the very habits that led to my weight gain.
Until next time ya'll!
LOVE && LIGHT 💕